everynight she cries herself to slp, thinking 'why does this happen to me? why does it have to be so hard?'

he's been like... MIAing alot recently... he never replies my MAJOR smses... avoids my qns apparently...

i'm getting really fed up... its so hurting la.. i mean, the doer will naturally feel nth... but i really feel hurt and it isnt the first time!
its gonna be so drama...

anyway...

i had wanted to meet him in town so tat i could buy him a cake for his bday.. he said he never got one b4...
but turns out he was busy on tat day..
but he just wouldnt reply.. i dont feel like a gf to him anymore..

That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you
And I can't stand ya
Almost everything you do
Makes me wanna smile
Even I like you for a while


But you won't let me
You upset me boy
And then you kiss my cheeks
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss... and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so

And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

Said that it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

Yeaahhh... Oohh...

As much I love you (as much as I need you oh...)
As much as I need you (oooh... as so much I love you)
As much I love you (oh...)
As much as I need you

And I hate that I love
You soooooooo!

And I hate that I love you soooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need ya
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so... soo...

JENNA GOT FIRED!!!!!

tat was ytd's news.. lol. coincidentally, she was dressed to the nine's on that day. damn suay sia... i told my friend, chris, tat her new hairdo and dress apparently went against the fengshui for that day.
and she went ard spreading rumours tat chris looked at her boobs... wth?!
and she kept calling and smsing the ppl at work today.. pretty stupid move...
and she kept trying to contact chris. LOL.. it was damn funny. i kept teasing him by saying 'oh my dear chrissy! wat are u doing now?'

desmond never fails to laugh at the 'chrissy' part. and chris would shiver and say its so gay to call him tat.
being the youngest.. i was like, butt of jokes sumtimes for mistakes.. like really ridiculous mistakes!!!! i am really blur most of the time. but they never really got angry with me.. usually, they laugh it all off.. LOL. thank god.

but jennifer is one fucking bitch man... she scolded me for nothing... she said i complained of the low pay to others.. i'm like, wtf? i didnt say anything at all sia...
i really cant be bothered.. she's always picking on the temp staffs.. its so annoying.. at least my lil episode wasnt the loudest one yet... my friend got it worse...

i seriously fucking hate that bloody toot man!!!! she's got a mind thats as fucked up as can be!!!! GAHH!!!!! fucking worm... she reminds me of a maggot man... seriously!
she had probs with her self-proclaimed bf, and we are like trying our very best to avoid her. yet she forces herself on us seh!!!!!!! fuck sia!

ytd, she totally pissed me off. we went out for lunch and wanted to take a cab there. and just as we were about to leave, she asked her bf along. WTF? i was pissed 20%. i mean, if u have probs with ur bf, why do u even ask him to come along sia? fucked up man!

then, when we had lunch, this is the most pissing thing man, she forced me to sit with her bf!!!! WTF!?!!!?!?!?!! u call ur bf to come, but u dont wanna sit with him and made me the scapegoat? my friends kept shooting looks at me. u might think, hows it possible.
well, the fucking table had to be a four seater. so when my 3 friends sat at one tables, i was supposed to fill up the last hole. not tat fucking maggot! and her bf had to sit on the other table.and when i returned with my food, i flipped man. i said'wat the fuck! tats my seat!' at this point, my boiling point hit 99%. 1% i made sure i left a tinge of sanity in me to prevent me from really strangling her.

but she ignored me. and laughed incredibly loud at her own jokes and sat there combing her oily unusually straight hair. OVER HER BOWL OF UNTOUCHED NOODLES.

i was fucking pissed to be left sitting in front of her bf the whole lunch. and she kept trying to corner me. and oh yea, forgot to talk bout our lil cab ride. she kept gg on and on about her bf business.. i really wanted to kick her off the cab man. 'i will not accept anymore. i've been hurt too much by love.. bla blah '
she went on and on.. leaning at the window, like fucking drama sia..
and all tat was really gg thru in my head the entire time while i was saying 'mm..mmm...' was
"^$#@(^%KNN!!!!!@#%R#(#&#^*#^*&FUCKING SHUT UP U MAGGOT!%@*&((#(@#*(@##@^T^R*(@*&@^T(#*"

and after lunch, i refused to sit at my place bfore the guys came back. or she'd corner me and start telling me her stories again. and she had to make me listen to her fucked up stories man. i was doing sema creation halfway, and she popped up and grabbed my shoulder damn dramatically and said, ' come with me, i'll take just 2 mins.. pls!!!!'
i was like almost wanting to slap her fucked up face la.
i had no choice but to go with her.
and drumrolls, she start her drama again...

FUCK IT LA.. she was like, acting a tearless crying drama scene. i swear she give me the fucked up crying face but no tears and I SWEAR!!!! she WIPED IMAGINERY TEARS!!! DAMN WAYANG LA!!!!i was so disgusted... 'i cant take it anymore... i tried treating paul as a friend, but its not working!'

hell its not working, becoz first of all, when couples fight (i doubt they were even one in the first place) they dont talk to each other! and they dont go to lunch tgt!

i was so pissed, i said 'u want me to go call paul over now? coz u should be talking to him, not me. i cant help u, i said my piece, go talk to him.'
i folded my arms and stood there while she cry out in agony.. watever la. all tat drama.. she'll never win an oscar.
NEVER.

then, i walked off. she had no choice but to stop her nonsense and go back to the office with me. she just cant stand being alone.

fuck it man... she stinks la...
she'd walk ard my area and it really stinks up the whole place.. so much for a skinny girl.

its so retarded... and she had to accuse my friend of looking at her boobs. HELLO? as if there were any to begin with.

... i've never met a worse maggot in my life... gosh...

If there's lessons
To be learned
I'd rather get
My jamming words
In first, so
Tell you something
That I've found
That the world's
A better place
When it's
Upside down, boy

SEriously... there's nothing sweet about me.
dont be fooled by my smile, and no there's not a single speck of doll in me to make me a plastic.

so my colleague is shouting over at the other end of the phone line. wailing at the gods in the heavens, 'why must u do this to me?!'

u ask me? i have no idea. at all.

ever since forever, she's been feeding me details about the little korean drama of maybank authorisors' office which i think would have made the worst drama flick ever with its cliched storyline. however, i still felt pretty sorry for her. well. first of all, i'm not saying tat i am pretty but... havent u heard of the line. 'it takes one to know one'?

she isnt pretty at all, i'm really soooo sorry to say tat. but yea, she isnt. and the worst thing tat could ever happend, happened to her.
she lost her virginity.
not to a hunk, but expectedly, to a fat old jerk.
i mean, i'm actually not sorry for saying this. but
her warped mindset really, baffled me. her stupidity prolly explains the bulk of the reason why she's with the guy.

but as a friend, i'd just have to be on the phone and mutter 'yea..', 'god...', 'really?!'...
pretty patronizing but, it really did get on my nerves.
while i struggle to rmb the crazy codes as a credit card creator, getting teased by the other male colleagues for being the youngest worker there, and being a tad TOO blur..
i had to deal with this?!

i think office politics can really get so stupid.
worst of all... she thinks tat every guy in the office is into her...
i mean like, hello? u have B.O. tat even i had problem withstanding it. do u think any guy will find tat alluring? and she has like thousands of oil bags on her face. and yet she piles on her make up like no one's business. clogging up pores on the face can work wonders for ur skin. if u like textures. well, it really is no one's business... sooo i'm not being bitchy or nasty to her.. but she's really got to open her eyes and wake up. i feel like strangling her when she confides in me about TOO MUCH guys liking her..
i'd just silently roll my eyes. and go, 'yeah?', 'wow, u've got a whirlwind love life', 'tats great', ' why are u even complaining?'

i cant stand it anymore...


i just want to eat lunch alone again. i rather it this way.

workload.. wat u see here, is really just when things are of the best times. this is wat happens when i reach 6pm everyday. the stack dwindles to this size. and my official knock off time should be perfectly prompted at 6.15pm.
the stack has this magical powers of ever increasing and it is a scary monster i swear it'll eat me up one day.


wat the hell am i talking... tats not my office table. but tats my pile, i swear. i dumped everything onto my colleague's table coz he was a nice gentlemen and i had not enough space. tat packet of chips is his.

office is an incredible classroom i guess. its just like everyday at school, just tat ur classmates and the teachers are on the same platform. and they fight against each other. can u imagine? teachers and students in a same classroom. competing against each other. i'm the youngest one there. usually the laughing stock coz of my blurness and young age. but hey hello, i'm bloody proud of being 17.

and my colleague had to tell me about her odd relationship with her guy, which happened to be another colleague of mine. its really weird coz she's so skinny and small while he's like, so big. put a wrestler and a tinkerbell tgt, u get wat i mean? it was even odder when she told me they did it..
it was really weird and sickening coz she called me up just to tell me tat. and i've only started talking to her over lunch 2 days ago. and i mean it, just during lunch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im58XcqDu9M&NR=1


watch this ppl.. LOL its fucking funny!

i want my life back

and i tot i'd be having a new life as a working person with a pay. life still sucks and i'm fucking sick of the capslock function.
i hate my job man.. requires no brain power at all... and everyday, i seat there looking like a damn idiot.

thou shalt not sign anymore other working contracts in my lifetime.

i missed my god mom's anniversary dinner.. sian.. i was chionging OT like mad coz i tot can meet him tmr.. but in the end.. he wed not free.. lol.. haiz..

i met up with my bf today.. GAH! finally!!!!!

i tot i wanted to just jump on him man. but he might be crushed. LOL
i was soooo happy to see him at all!
i wish days were longer...
no no... nights! nights should be longer..
alright.. tonight.. i'd pray to god that he made nights longer. so tat i'd have more time with him soon...

once again... i made another shit decision to work at the bank.

first, my boyfriend is like, i duno, i feel like i'm dissing him time and time again... i really miss him.. i do.. i keep looking at my ipod pics every now and then just to see him.

and after that, there's nth else really worth being sad about..

i feel like crying coz i keep thinking about him the whole day..
i dead when i have to tell him bad news like wat i told him just now... he'll just sink into bad mood...

god.. its time to answer my prayers again... pls pls pls pls... would u pls listen to it tonight?

well...all i can say is.. working sucks.

i am now a temporary bank staff for maybank and the stupid office was goddamned far away!!! its like tucked away in some corner of yio chu kang and i swear man.. i had diarrhorea after eating the nasi padang nearby coz there was nothing else to eat.

the day started with me looking really retarded trotting around in a pair of heels which was a lil too big for me. i was in like formal office work wear while the other peeps were in like more casual wear.. i was so embarrassed. i have to thank my agent for that man... he was the bloody asshole who told me to wear that. my parents were like going 'awwww.. our princess has finally grown up to start working!'

and last night.. they were laughing at me for packing my bag... coz i wanted to bring my sling bag coz i had no other bloody bag to put my stuffs in. they were like, 'oh my god! pls grow up!'
but today. i swear i wasnt the only one who tot of that.

and i realised tat i had another hidden talent today.
the entire day was spent looking retarded in front of the computer and keying in data and NOTHING ELSE!!!!!! can u believe that?
it reminded me of the torturous 1hr detention i had back in sec1. my goodness, it was like the worst hour of my life. i had nth to do, not allowed to do anything even.

amazingly, even though i was seating beside my supervisor the whole day, i managed to sleep!!!!!
i dont know how i did it, but i was seating in full view of her but i managed to fall aslp!!! lol..

it was overall, a really boring job.well.wat to do... its a bloody malaysian bank.
gahh.
MAYBANK.
i feel like burning it down man..


my supervisor was blasting the malay radio channel and for the entire day, i think i've only heard one song that i think tat was nice.

thank god i brought my ipod and HEADPHONES.

my mind was like, sorta pretty made up since BEFORE the exams started. TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC was hanging on my fringe.. i opted out on that very day and i'm missing my friends pretty badly. the thought of not seeing them anymore makes me sad.
anyway, gonna dedicate this post to JOYCE.

my dear girl, i cant type out everything on ur tagboard so i'll have to say everything here. i guess, whichever decision u make, u better not regret it. i've had my run, and i'm done, i gotta go 'home'. lol. i chose jc thinking tat i'd make my parents happy and be doing myself a favour. but i really wasnt. i literally screwed myself up from top to toe. BUT, if u look at peiyi, she made a very good decision :) she is a jc calibre girl and i must say, she's got it all to enter uni. god has to be a lil bit kinder to her on the a level day and she'll do real fine. so u see? not everyone is cut out for jc as well as for poly. there's nothing embarrassing about going to a poly because, many people who succeed in life come from there. thats where are the nice and humble ppl come from. not saying tat jc is a total snobbish place, but ther are ppl there who got their noses stuck in mid-air just because they come from a freakin jc right? we saw it didnt we? i think the real most embarrassing thing is only when u fail JC1 again, lol. ALEX the mother fucker had that honour lah my dear. PLS LAH!!! WHO CAN FAIL JC1 AGAIN!!!!! i swear on my life, we will confirm make it to JC2 if we stayed back. i'm betting my toes on it. but, after jc1, i dunno la.


mainpoint of it all, just make a good decision and stick with it. its now or never. though i think tat u'd have greater opportunities out there if u did a science course, the final decision is yours. dont let your parents make the decision for u. make it for yourself. if jc is impedding ur potential, then be done with it. but, if u think tat u'd still get there, ur ambition, through jc, then, i say, sure why not go ahead with it. because i would like u to see that this is your life and no one else can live it for you and no one else is gonna do it better than u and u know the best way to live it. u only live once. chances dont come by easily. like mr zul said, 2nd chances are even harder to come by. just follow your heart and make your decision with it. of coz, i'd advise you once again, please be wise and chose something that u will confirm earn a living to AT LEAST support yourself first. i've told u, look at me, i like fashion. i'm like, mesmerised by the entire fashion world out there that i've yet to discover. BUT being in singapore, doing fashion is a waste of time and money seriously. so u notice tat i dont even bother to think about options like doing fashion courses.
you see, not everything in life will go according to plan and sometimes, we need to get to what we want the harder way. BUT! practical and feasible too.

if u think u can, you can. if u think u can't, then u are PROBABLY right.

i believ that, if u would just believe in yourself, you will do well. anywhere. and everywhere.

its another dreary night after my pw.. the massive blood sucker.. just had a lil prob with my bf... i duno man.. i mean.. i cant afford to lose him.. but there are times when i am not happy... and i duno if i will sound like some silly bitch or wilful girlfriend. so i rather not start. so that i have no qualms in stopping myself..

afterall... dont guys always hate demanding girlfriends? i mean, for eg, FOR EXAMPLE ONLY ARH, that ur bf has like, tons of female friends, and u dont see him everyday. u go online all just becoz u wanna talk to him, see him online.. talk to him only.. but he talks to alot of ppl, and you never know who he is talking to too. and having female friends is not a sin right?! so its like.. u'd just feel kinda weird dont u? i mean. ppl tell me never to go complaining to ur bf about stuffs like, 'why u gg out with this girl?' or 'who's that? who's that?' like being so demanding... i duno man... i just know tat, if i were a guy, and i had a gf, if i were merely talking to my female pals about things under the sun, and my gf makes a fuss, i might flip a little..

and the problem is... i dont like hissy fits and i never can control mine. so its better not to even start throwing any fits right? afterall, trivial matters are a waste of time.. or so..
i think.

to tell the truth, i duno wat trivial or mega matters really are.
all i know is. i hate trouble and problems.
and my best way to run away from it...
silly and unfortunately, portrayal of cowardice... but.. well... u never know wat the consequences are... so.. wouldnt it be like taking a gamble and putting the relationship at risk?

afterall, i cant afford to lose what i have.
i dont want to.

gahhh... i'm starting to miss my classmates... 7 nov is coming soon... maybe a lil too soon? soon i'll disappear from ijc... its been a good yr with them... i think, they are one of the most favorite classes that i've been into in my life. ppl may say tat they hate our class.. but underneath the surface.. i saw the real people that lived under those shells. i guess everyone is in a bid to fit in as an individual.. everyone is struggling to be individual..

long time never update my blog liao.. wah.. its as stale as can be man.. lol..
i found a job at maybank
i bought 2 levis jeans and a top at below $100!!!! its authentic!
i gonna get my hoodie tmr from kaijun.
i learned how to bind books using a needle and thread. cool huh...hope to make um of it and sell leh.. if i customize nicely...
anybody wanna buy? can preorder! LOL.. i'm selling each at $10. great handmade gifts!!! i can do customised diaries too! but the more detailed the design, the higher the price. i've succeeded in turning it into a real diary. the kind tat looks like a copy of hard cover. but, the one i'm holding is a bit ugly.. so not for sale. LOL
but pls pls pls.
i need money...

i have loads of plans...
want new laptop.
want new bags.
new shoes.
new clothes.
new wallet.
new set of colour markers..
and i need
ADOBE PHOTOSHOP CS3 MASTER COLLECTION, WITHOUT MY LAPTOP CRASHING!!!!