i'm officially eighteen!
means i can officially drink, watch m18 movies, and smoke. (like that even mattered at all)

well my first meal as an eighteen yr old was POPCORN AND COKE. HEHEHEHE
anyway.. i had a great day with joyce:)
she bought me a book!!!! GOSSIP GIRL!!! FIRST OF THE SERIES!!!!! OMG I MUST THANK HER NON STOP MAN!!!!!!!

watched transformers:rise of the fallen. whoa... so damn good man!!!!! i was so engrossed! its super damn action packed. the transformers really look so real! but it was quite disturbing though. coz the ah pek beside joyce smuggled in BANANAS!? and was eating them. he was considerate enough to leave the banana peels behind underneath his seat.!??!?! LOL???
then beside me, was a teen couple, obviously fresh sixteen yr olds. they were repeating the words so lovingly to each other.. it seemed disturbing.. like when megan fox shouts 'SAMMMMM!!!!'
then the girl will like mimic megan fox going, 'sammm!!!! heheheheh' to her bf. then when the shia shouts 'NOOOO' then the guy will repeat it. like?!?!?!?!?!???? and the girl was like ramming herself against her bf's space. ITS NOT A HORROR MOVIE DEAR!!!!
u might wonder why i still managed to notice them. well... i was wondering where the 'echo' came from, and i was pretty damn sure that the actors werent giggling softly.. no time to be loving when there are bullets flying ard above ur head ya know.
all in all, i was baffled by their retarded choice of amusement.

god... i'm soooo fullll..... i just had a bowl of ajisen ramen, a cheesecake, CRABS, hor fun, chicken, fish, crayfishES and longan dessert in the last 7 hrs.
i'm overloaded.
thanks joyce for a wonderful day:)

just had a 'talk' session with my mother.
well i woke up pretty happily. but i ended up being pissed as ever when i found out that i cant go out with my mom, AGAIN. its always, planned alrdy, then suddenly the plan just smashes coz of my idiot father. for the past 2 weeks, i've not been able to do wat i want with my mom becoz of my idiot father.

i dont feel like elaborating.
so when my father got home, i closed my bedroom door.
and my mom cant understand my problem.
well she did tried hard to talk to me.
but i refused to open my mouth. coz i didnt feel like talking.
my brother couldnt understand my problem either.
so they all ended up making wild guesses. like
'i noe, u dont want to stay here right'
or
'ok, u must be thinking that u have no freedom'
or
'u think ur dad doesnt care abt u, right?' (hell, i dont give a shit whether he cares or not so it fucking doesnt concern me and i'm not bother whether he does or not)

in the end, my mom said 'its not tat he doesnt love u, its just tat u dont know how to give back the love to ppl ard u.'

um hello? initially i wanted to bring my mom out to treat her to eat jap food sia? and its my bday, and i'm intending to treat her. abit weird right? but i didnt say anything.
i'm just so fed up by the fact that whenever i want to go out with my mom, i have to go thru my dad. like if he has any nonsensical problem like, gg to rent a DVD or watever crap. STUPID STUFFS LIKE THESE AND HE NEEDS TO MOBILISE MY MOM. ???????
for 2 weeks, not a single day he doesnt have an imaginary 'problem'. i'm sooo fed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i asked my mother, why is all those 'problems' of his happening during my 2 weeks holiday??? i need this holiday coz i have 9 to 6 for the next WHOLE MONTH! i wont be able to do my things! and apparently, those problems never seems to happen when i'm in school. ????
is he doing it on purpose?
omg , i'm soooo fucking pissed off.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

First Love (english)

Once in a while
You are in my mind
I think about the days that we
had
And i dream that these would all come back to me
If only you knew
every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like your
memories
How I want here to be with you
Once more

You will always
gonna be the one
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let
you go
Come into my life again
Oh, don't say no
You will always gonna
be the one in my life
So true, I believe i can never find
Somebody like
you 
my first love

Once in  awhile
Your are in my dreams
I can
feel the your warm embrace
And I pray that it will all come back to me
If
only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like
your memories
And how I want here to be with you
Once more
yah yah
yah

You will always be inside my heart
And you should know
How I
wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Please don't
say no
Now and forever you are still the one
In my heart
So true, I
believe I could never find
Somebody like you
My first love
oh
oh

You will always gonna be the one
And you should know
How I wish
I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Oh, don't say
no
You will always gonna be the one
So true, I believe I could never
find
Now and forever

went cycling at east coast ytd with my aunt's family. there were many ppl.. in fact.. i tot there were too much ppl ard. but yeah, riding from one end of the coast to the other is fun still. the smell of barbequed food and the kids.. brings back fond memories of childhood. just that for some reason, when i was young, whenever i went to the beach, it was almost always rather quiet and lesser ppl ard.
and the last time i cycled, i was wat... 9? LOL.. but i managed to ride the bike after my 2nd attempt.YAY
coz my cousins are all younger than me, my uncle forced them to wear those really ugly elbow and knee guards. and those horrible kiddish helmets...so they were kinda like sulking coz i didnt have to wear it. then they were like, 'daddy, can i pls dont wear it when i ride back?? plsplsplsplspls?' of coz my uncle said a big NO. i kinda felt sorry for them..back then, my dad only made me wear that awful helmet when i was learning to ride a bike and i was wat, 8? and they are like... 14 now?

but anyways... last night, i cut 2 tshirts.. into those ripped tees, i duno wat u call them.. i'm kinda happy with the end result. but i'm not sure about wearing them to school though.... its kinda flashy. LOL
my mom was like, 'why dont u make the slit at the back bigger?'
i was like huh?! it'll look very SEXY.
she was like 'thats the whole point right?'
then i asked her if she would wear it.
she said 'if i am 17 again, why not?'
......
then she added before leaving my room 'just dont wear it infront of ur dad.'

and wat else...
oh, i've been watching zettai kareshi=absolute bf the jap drama. its damn good! i cried like hell! the moment the robot guy teared, i burst into tears! its super touching.i'm not a big fan of jap and korean dramas but this one really caught my eye when i saw the commercial for the first time on TV. and yeah, its extra good coz the robot boyfriend is super handsome, super damn goodlooking!(i cant see the difference between the 2 description i just made. haha)
at first i didnt think he was good looking. coz afterall, i never really think much about (no offence) asian male celebrities. well, for the obvious fact that most of them seem very gay to me. not that all asian guys are gays, i just think asia still has alot of "gold" yet to be discovered.
he's mokomichi hayami btw, cute name right? hehehe. so yeah, i didnt really tot much of him at first. but as the show went on, i started to notice him BETTER. and well, by the time i got to the end, i was literally am left breathless on the ground. haha.. ok enough swooning. god... this feels so high school man.. but watever, i'll post more pics of him just for my pleasure. HAHAHA

wah so serious.....so adorable!!!!! *faints*

magazine interview i think...

whoa... so coooool!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.. i actually have many more.. but yeah if i post all of it, u'll probably be bored to tears.
sooo
TATA! i duno wat to write alrdy.....

i'm reading twilight again.haha.
hols are pretty boring... but i knw i will dread school reopening even more. coz it'll be 9 to 6 pm everyday. can u imagine? its gonna suck big time.

i'm starting to get healthy amounts of slp. like really 9 to 10 hours everyday. but the problem is, i'm like in a different timezone. slp at 3 am, wake up at 12 or 1pm. so technically, breakfast happens during lunch hour. haha.. i wonder how am i gonna cope with this when school starts again..

i'm so hungry...

soooo
my house has a new tv, awesome as it seems.. i think its abit too clear and lifelike to a point where i kinda get the creeps that the characters are gonna climb out of my screen anytime soon.
i absolutely did not like the idea of hellboy looking at me like tat.
imagine watching the ring? i think i'll probably fall dead. before she makes it out of the tv screen.

anyway.. the new sofa's coming in later too. its such a bore.. my dad's been at home for 2 days straight into the week now.... its so annoying coz i wanna do stuffs with my mother.
my dad and i are not talking at all. i refuse to be in within a metre's radius of him. all he ever does is being such a total bitch. i mean seriously, grow up man....
he's always doing it. he will laugh super loudly in front of me with my brother, like as if i'm missing out on his company, as if his company is so great. blah. i've had enough of his 'enjoyable company' to tell anybody that its seriously overrated.

but whatever, as much as he's trying to get on my nerves, i get on his nearly every minute. i dont even need any effort. coz i'm a natural!

hahahahaha
i bought a twilight poster!!!!!!
and i deliberately cleaned up my room to make room for it!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so this, is wat is hanging on my wall in my room!!!!
though i kinda get the creeps when i look at it at night.. i know edward's too charming to be scary but.. those eyes... no one has tat eye colour right?
but anyway... i wish my face was in bella's place instead.
HAHAHA
maybe i should photoshop my own face onto that poster. LOL
i just watched twilight last night(tat would make my total count to 6 times in 2 months)
i cant stop smiling whenever i watch it!
i wish i have an edward to call my own....

*sighs*

wahhhhhh
finallly...
an end to all the projects!!!!!
HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
TIME TO BRING OUT THAT SEWING MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i keep dreaming of him recently... abit nightmarish in fact...
i rmb myself saying 'no no no' to him... he asked me if we could ever return back to what we were(it is a dream after all.....
i stumped and couldnt answer him... then i just burst my 'no no no' out...
and i woke up... feeling sore...

its over so long ago... but now i care more abt june 17... why must i still think about it when its alrdy over so long ago?? a part of me wished tat this was still last yr... but i know i dont want to rewind everything.

i miss the blue skies... and the wind... and his voice...

i had the weirdest dream last night.

i dreamt of him. ok. tats not weird.

its the whole process that was really quire..

i was in a sepia world. as in.. the colours and everything looked like its straight out of an old film.

then i was... somewhere in geylang serai? it was super random and i really cant recognise the place... it looked very very old.
moulded with age.

then... there was a crowd.
i heard children singing. malay songs.
i walked towards the crowd, trying to see wat was going on. and i couldnt see anything as usual... coz i was too short....
then i turned around, behind the crowd was swarming in. and i saw him smiling.. one of the faces in the crowd...
but he wasnt smiling at me. coz he couldnt see me... he didnt knw i was there...

a sore mixture of sadness and pain gripped me. i started looking for my way out of the crowd.
i inched my way, tunneling through the crowd like a worm... everything was so slow mo...

then i bumped into my secondary school friends.i pleaded with them to accompany and take me away from that place.

and we did.
and then i bumped into my poly classmate. in my mind i was thinking, 'wats she doing here?!'
LOL.. but yeah..
wat an ending...
and i still remember how i felt like in my dream.. so small.. so hurt.

its june again....
the 18th june of my life...
while the 17th seemed the most loveliest june of all, i'd prefer very much not to wind back time.
to many people, it'd seem tat i'm happy that june is finally here to stay coz its my birthday month.
fact is, i dont really give a shit about how my birthday is gonna be like. becoz it wasnt the main point.

An affinity with the number 17 it seems, it was my 17th june, on the 17th , strangely, it was also my lunar birthday, that i finally got my dreams made true. there i was standing looking into the his eyes, almost to a point where i was so ready to marry him. under the equatorial sun and bleached blue skies, on that terrace, i still remembered what was going through my mind.

'could life get any sweeter?'

the sound of the swooshing wind filled my ears, he held my hand, delicately planted his first kiss in our relationship on the back of my hand. how sweet. sounds just like your typical ideal summer love, dont it?

but that was a long long time ago....

suddenly i realise,
there are many chunks of my memory that i will never ever forget.... good or bad...

for instance, i'll never forget that very night that i told someone to stop bothering me about dating someone outside our so called 'elite' race. this is so fucking bullshit.
but anyway. i remembered he told me this,

"loving someone a for a quarter of ur 16 yrs of life is no big deal.
you guys wont last long
and when u're old and 80, u'll not remember him anymore
soon, you'll even forget about this conversation that we had."

unfortunately, i have a sick habit, almost obscenely pervertic habit of reminiscing the past and the old. so.... i'll probably never forget any of that. not a chance, definitely not this lifetime!