'I keep saying im gonna move on
but it's so hard when you're all that i know'

saw this on jarine's blog.
gotta say its something tat it totally yanked my heartstrings out.

actually went out for a run today with my old fren. he was passing through the tremultous breakup phase so he decided he needed to unwind with someone to listen.
so yeah we jogged, he looks like a small version of jacob black leh. LOLL but anyway, we were running from around my place to cck park. which is super far away.

he just kept on gg and gg, then i was like wanna die alrdy sia. so far loh.. but he's a damn good trainer i think.. keep tricking me 'reach alrdy! reach alrdy!' then end up still got on whole stretch ahead to run... so i showed him the finger several times.

the night was super cold coz it was just the fresh cool still air after a downpour during dusk. so i was kinda freezing at first. but then he wore a singlet, then i was like wth.. so cold sia.. still wear singlet.

but not long after, i was sweating like crazy, stinking my teeshirt. then he still remained quite dry. zzz-.-

but anyway, he was talking abt his now ex the whole time. and yeah from him i found out that my ex is doing pretty fine. so yeah, it was pretty light hearted coz i think my fren is totally head over heels in love with the girl and yet the girl is like, such a bitch to diss him.

when we reached the 'water pt', he had an idea, i duno if its brilliant or not coz i was wondering wat if he didnt make tat call. since she refused to reply my fren's pleadings, my fren decided to cal her. i posed as tat girl's fren and tried to get her on the phone and voila, she picked it up. but then she was soo mean to my fren. my fren looked so devastated. she said almost the same things my ex said to me.

it was quite a rude shock but i tried to keep it down by not saying much. i just kept him talking. but inside my head i was dying to give him a huge bear hug and whisper into his ear 'i feel ur pain and i rmb how the words stung and tore me apart.'
but i didnt lah, coz i was stinking like a rubbish heap.

my fren is the sweetest guy ever, though he's got flaws like his bad temper and attitude problem. but he knows it and he's utterly sorry for being such a meanie. he kicks himself over for being so nasty to his gf. lol.. i've never seen a guy like tat in my circle before.

so throughout our return journey, he was talking abt her, how he misses her, the small things, the huge things.. and i realised that, there really isnt much difference btwn the feelings of guys and girls when it comes to the context of real love. the DEVOTED kind. so it was like seeing how i was when i was so broken, replaying before my very eyes, only this time it is a male in my place.

but never in my life have i ever dreamed that my fren would kena dumped lah. he's the kind who will have girls lining up after him wan loh.. when we were out running, wah lao eh.. everyone(including the men) look at him. no one look at me -.-'' i felt so depressed.

he was holding back his tears, i could tell. i told him to cry, but he said its fine. i told him to shout out anything he wanted to. but he said he would have to shout it at me. which is sumthing he didnt want to do.

so all i did was say as few things as possible. i was so afraid i might hit the wrong spot. i didnt really have anyone there for me when i got thru my breakup coz i was like on my way to Msia. so for the entire vacation i was crying in my slp everynight. coz those words stung badly and i almost wanted to cry when i saw my fren in that state of agony.
i kept saying time wil heal him. though he says its gonna be a long long time.

i should know.
time will heal all wounds. but no one said anything abt the side effects.
time was like the blue fairy who gave me life after i became so broken and unfeeling coz all i could rmb was the hurt for a very long time.

though i'm more or less back to normal again. nothing will ever be the same.

my new loves :*

ryan grosling:)
god he's so handsome!!!
i want a guy who looks like tat eh. LOL

i cant help but post another post.
it hurts sooo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cramps!!!! Da Yi Ma is here and she's killing me.

and all those talk with joshe is making me think alot AGAIN

how i wish i have someone to call my own and rely on instead of being so emotionally independent all the time.
singlehood is great. soloness is my fave thing in the world.
but then again..
i always begin with the end in mind.
i block out everyone.

this is my room now, a lil messy coz i've been drawing and doing my drafting for my blazer. god.. i kept insisting to my mother i want to do the proper version not the flimsy version ppl sell out there. then she say "ur standard not there yet" then i was like, "not there then u help me lah!"
then she finally agreed to to let me try. -.-

i did this pic of george michael. its A1 size, white pastel on blackboard. obviously, it looks fucking way off. :/

these are some of the pictures i took the other time while i was on mount faber. taken with dslr, ok, i didnt really did justice to the camera, but arh well, i suck at photography!


tanglin mall,they have one of my fav supermarkets :))))

wah.. didnt feel like blogging at all for the past few days.

spent overnight at a chalet at weiming's bday party.
pretty much a blast!!!
loads of laughing and chicken!!!! and crabsticks!!! and hot dogs!!!!!
i'm swearing off chicken for the next whole week.

we had wine and apparently one of our dear fren got tipsy and even banged into the wall. she spent the night on off puking. but nevermind, she was a real sport tat night. pretty much the life of the party :))) bane joined us half way, someone i have no idea who was until he came in and taught us how to play this 'dare' game. ok lah quite fun arh. he's very sporting to even kiss eugene's ass. LOL

oh, and we bought weiming an ipod shuffle for his bday. :) we wrapped it in so many layers of newspapers it looked like huge pillow and he took so long to unwrap it layer by layer.
can u imagine? the whole stack of straits times eh. LOL ALL used to wrap a SMALL ipod shuffle. those super tiny kinds. LOL

there are loads of pics. i havent go get them yet. but i'll post them soon. :)
now lazy arh.. LOL

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true