today, had a new year's eve party in my office.
i got a plush toy cushion for the gift exchange! LOL! my colleagues all said it looked like me.. ZZzzzz
all my collagues got each other as exchange partners.. except for the unknowing ones like renu and serene? they didnt know who were their gift givers.
renu got a perllini's silver bracelet! DANG! we were joking bout who her admirer was.
Serene got the best gift of all i think.. she got a box of chocs and ESPIRIT vouchers from Chris..i'm so jealous tat i only got a cushion lah! LOL
anyway, serene was on the verge of tears when she saw the present.. and everyone was fooling ard, dunno whether to help chris cover up or not coz apparently, she likes him, and he down on luck or wat, had to pick her name thru the tikam. LOL
anyway, he was reluctant to make much noise when we were all going hoo haa over her present. LOL
it was hilarious..
AND THE FUCKING MOST HILARIOUS THING WAS!!!!!!!
ONE OF MY COLLEAGUES GOT A CALCULATOR AS A GIFT!!!! WTF!?
LOL!!!!
it was a dramatic commotion when he pulled the calculator out of the bag, we burst out into peals of laughter, coz everyone else got pretty sweet gifts like chocs and all.. t-shirts? mugs?
he got a FREAKIN CALCULATOR?
and its a fucking cheap huge kind tat u can find those shop keepers using.. goodnes.. its not even cool looking.. its grey..
erm..
LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
THINKING ABOUT IS MAKING ME SNIFFLE LIKE CRAZY!

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

these days were good..
ytd went out whole day sia.. went for the zss school concert at the singapore conference hall.
WE HAD NEWYORK NEWYORK!!!
it was nice but well. i was sooooooo fuulll by the time the dessert came..
LOL
it was great:)
really, eudy's company made things nicer:)
haha
i saw him at his shop on xmas... he was working.. wearing that geek specs tat he told me about before we broke up... i cringed with mixed feelings... felt like i wanted to run at the sight of him..

today.. was a total shit day compared to the others..
had dimsum in the morn...
but then my dad wanna go robinsons...like wat?! i'm in slippers for god's sakes...
as if he cared...
so i had to go..
and SO SUAY LAH!!!!!!!!
BUMP INTO THAT BIG NOSE FUCKER ALEX!!!!!
WAH LAO...
i saw him working as a promoter i think..
HE LOOKS LIKE SHIT I TELL U!!!
I FUCKING WANNA PUNCH HIS FACE AND KICK HIS STOMACH AND STEP ON HIS DICK WITH A HIGH HEEL!!!!!
i hate him to bits man..
if there were no law..
he is the first one dead. I SOLEMNLY SWEAR

these days been pretty good..
went to a concert with a friend yesterday. and this time, with the acknowledgement of my parents. the funny thing was, this friend is a guy!
lol..
but it was a pretty nice day with him. we attended a classical concert at the esplanade concert hall which was fantastic. the honour band was so great!!!!
and we had a haagen daaz after tat right in the esplanade mall itself.
we went to admire at some of the violins that were so beautifully crafted.
its extraordinary tat ppl can make such beautiful things.
my friend was like telling me that he wants to learn violin and teach his kids after tat.. LOL
tats a long way from here dude..

anyway... HAAGEN DAAZ WAS FANTASTIC AS WELL!!!!!
i had a wholesome cocoa sundae in the shop itself.
goodness, i've never tasted better chocolate ice cream in my life!!
we had wanted to have a quick bite during the 20mins interval, but too late, it was 5mins before it starts and the waitress was still serving us our drink. LOL
we had to hold our order and come back after. haha

it was nice day..
esplanade brings me alot of memories..
that i'll never forget..
the first time we went to town, we went there..
he asked me to be his gf right there on that terrace, with no one ard, it was so quiet...
i performed there with some of the most amazing ppl i've met in jc.

and i wish, the next time that i'm there again..
he's with me..
talking to me...
smiling at me..

gosh...
i havent seen him for the longest time..
is it good or is it bad?
in a way, he's inching away..
but my heart is so sore of missing him..


one of the stuffs tat he loved so much was chocolate.
i wonder wats the stuff tat he love the most right now...
is it chocolates still? or sumthing else?

i think i've seriously grown past the age of appearing anonymously on ppl's blogs.. and all tat flaming.. seriously.. if u want, come and tell me in the face. IN THE FACE.
are u guys seriously so ashamed of your names? children, its time to grow up.

if u dont have the guts to put up ur name here, then why bother to make accusations? oh.. maybo really not accusations, maybe i've really offended u in some way or another. such tat u cant forget and keep harping on it and have to undergo the torment of checking out my blog. becoz seriously, if i hate my enemies, i wouldnt even bother to check out how they are doing. thanks for trying to stalk me tat u even got to know my teachers from my JC. seriously, either u have no life or u simply cant be bothered to find some higher class pleasure.

the fact tat u guys appeared anonymous says alot about u.
kids...
gah...
seriously, get a life ppl...

i'm starting to miss eudy.. LOL.. am i becoming lesbian? EUDY!!!! heheheheheheheh... can i be the next chucky? LOL..
anyway.. went out today.. and coz my mom couldnt wear the shoe tat i bought her, i bought her perfume instead.. there goes another 80bucks.... zzzz...
when she got it, she did not make any mention about the price like ytd when she received the shoes! i think she knows tat BURBERRY is EXPENSIVE...
i almost cried man... another hard day's work gone..
i decided to stop buying anymore stuffs...
well...
eudy... this one is for u..
i say only arh..
later another azri come and talk me into buying more things...
i think i rather just kill myself for my weakness..
seriously..

and i'm really wondering wat to do with the pullover...
its still in the shopping bag... unopened...
yet...

he came online today.. for the first time in so long.. i saw him come online today.. i suddenly feel so small.. i duno why..

once upon a time.
a shy caterpillar loves sending parcels.
it sends alot of parcels. impt parcels to ppl. sent by itself. it loved sending parcels.
but one day..
it lost one parcel.
it couldnt find it. it didnt try, coz the parcel didnt contained the impt fillings tat other parcels do.
it didnt bother to search. coz it wasnt an impt parcel.

it never got delivered. but nobody cared. becoz it was just a box of depression left anyway..

meanwhile, it left his shyness behind as he started moulding into a beautiful sociable butterfly.
it flew everywhere. and never returned.
but it never knew. the parcel was just left on the shelf above its dried cocoon.
and the parcel watched it grew.
hardly smiling but happy enough for the beautiful butterfly it became.

SHOPPING IS ADDICTIVE!!!!

WOWWWWWW... i had a shopping spree today!!!
i'm happy...
but sad too..
coz i was at ard the marina square area and citylink..
and i knew he is there... but i didnt want to bump into him..
though a part of me wanted to see him so bad...
while i was at the NUM shop talking to azri... i was so afraid that he might just pop out of nowhere...
i'm sure if he knew i was there... he wouldnt want to walk in either..
thanks to eudy, i had a pretty wonderful day:)
i love love love shopping!!!!!!


i bought the pullover tat i intended for him as a bday present... but my friends told me not to... if i have to.. buy it for myself instead..
i just bought it... i didnt think bout wat i would do with it.. i just tot i'd just buy it and see wat happens next..
and i ended up bringing it home... coz i dont think i want to face him...
my mom says its nice... its gonna appear on seventeen mag soon... and the tee shirt version appeared on 8days alrdy...
so its kinda cool...

we walked by esplanade...and inside too...memories just rush back like wind in my face...
'we window shopped there'
'isnt tat the teddy bear shop tat we went in and were shocked by the price?'
'we went down this escalator in silence..'
'i told u i love u... right here... this spot..'

wished time turned back... would love to just hear ur voice again.. though i doubt it'd make my heart sing ever again... but at least... its comfort.

i'd wake up and start tearing inside.. coz u're not there...

how conveniently i seem to forget.. u're gone and never coming back.

the last time i saw u... u told me u'd see me again...

seems like i was the one who took things for granted...

i wished......

u made me wish i never met u...

i really wished i never met u...

i despise myself... for still loving.. wishing u were here.. when i know very clearly that its all over.
why am i still mourning over this...

i duno wat i'm gonna be doing on the next june 17th... i hope i'm wont be crying on tat terrace..

everything reminds me of u... i wish i'm blind.. so tat i dont have to see... how ur magic, or rather.. ur curse is affecting me..

it really wasnt becoz of all those 'ppl say'... it was becoz u really just dont have it for me anymore..

but i accepted the lie... knowing its not the truth..
i'm kicking myself for not being able to blame u..
coz i really dont and never will.. coz i just cant do it..

there are sumthings, when lost.. u know u will never find it again..
and even if u do.. it wont be the same again. there would be a scar.. that'd burn..

she say 'he's not worth it'
he say 'forget it, just make urself happy'

sorry ppl... i wasted ur time..

beautiful kids... carefree..


back from cameron highlands..

the bus rides were a nightmare. seriously! i mean when i'm getting on the highlands of coz.. the worse part was when i was gg there.. the bloody tyre ruptured and we were stranded on the highway for 2 whole hours before another bus came to bring us to continue our journey.

but apart from that.. it was all ok.. i bumped into yuan xiu and my jc tuition classmate! and we bumped into my bro at the yong peng stopover! its so coincidental! lol..

we stayed at the greenhill resort which was at tanah rata. it is a really beautiful place with a convent just ard the corner..

this is one of the rooms on the apartment...

mornings meant starbucks most of the time as i dont really like those sweetened coffees and tehs at the indian foodstalls..


the scones there were amazing..
i really liked the whipped cream and strawberry jam combination. its so... explosive.. lol..







this is the smokehouse.. its really nice place... so called award winning english garden.. but i'm not really tat impressed though... could have been better...









and the last thing worth mentioning... is the strawberry farms.. and this huge cup of ice cream.. it turns me on man! its really delicious...wooo... gonna miss it...

and everynight... i find it so hard to slp... becoz i miss him so much...
i keep thinking about everything...
i re-read his smses over and over again..
when i wake up in the mornings.. i wished i'd see his sms there.. right there... just like the other time when i was at kota tinggi..
my mind keeps saying he's not coming back.. but my heart just doesnt want to let go..
its so...
i feel like dying man.. its called retribution this is...

i've broken up with my bf... i'm single now..

it was always me...
i wanted to much to call him... just to hear his voice for one last time...

how could he... he long didnt have feelings for me alrdy... then dont call me 'dear' and all tat lah...
i was so confused...

god...

i almost threw myself onto the road man...

he's changed so much...

but cant blame him though...

it all started with me...

but he was...
heartless..

if i told u i've been abused as a kid.. would u believe me?

if i told u i've been thrown out of house before.. would u believe me?

if i told u i've been humiliated really badly before.. would u believe me?

if i told u i almost went into a girl's home.. would u believe me?



there are things i never tell u about becoz u dont need to noe... or rather.. u have no interest in. u'd think its all bullshit.

because i look normal.. doesnt mean i've got no issues... these are not excuses. they are reasons why i find it so hard to be carefree.. its my phobia.. u wouldnt understand, coz u've never walked in my shoes before.. behind all tat facade.
i'm really just another broken clock trying to fix myself.

as much as i want freedom.. i'm terrified of my mom too...

and i'm waitin for my short hand to make another 35040 rounds..

i'm just hoping the clock doesnt stop...

god damn it... mrt fares are so god damn ex la!!!! wtf... its so scary.. and i had to have an incredible stomache... fuck man... the taxi fare was 14 bucks sia!!!! then plus the mrt fare tat sucks my money.. i'm pratically left with nothing...

petition for cheaper bus fares!!!!!!!!!! and MRT FARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thing seems like its picking up abit... i like his new hairstyle.. teeheehee..

i duno man... i keep having so much on my mind previously.. but when i see him... it just washes away... with the wind... maybe visit again.. but hardly anymore..

eudy says i'm being too dependent... i duno wats dependent and wats not...
coz there never was a real r/s before this... lol.. i bet close friends know my style very well...

i found him a bday gift
but have to come back to sg then can get for him.. if not i no money and no time..
zzzzzzzzz
i wish i wasnt working right now...
i wished i had a debit card right now...
zzzzzzzzzz
then i wouldnt have to pay cash in a boutique... tats so effing weird man...